ice cream snacks

Someday I will learn not to take any children to the grocery store with me. I am fully aware that when you shop with a child you end up purchasing more than you intended. I went for milk and to pick up prescriptions. I ended up with ice cream too. Ice cream on a very cold day.

On the way to the checkout I had a brilliant idea! I often have brilliant ideas-I just never implement them. Okay, so maybe my ideas are not really brilliant, but they are ideas that do not cause harm. That should be good, right?

My lovely idea was to create some little ice cream balls and cover them with the hard shell ice cream chocolate.

So, we went to the ice cream topping section of the store. For some reason, I just didn’t want to buy that stuff. Then came another brilliant idea. Make it myself! Was it possible? Could I really make this hardshell chocolate topping myself? I pulled out my phone to find out. One quick internet search and I found a two ingredient recipe. Yay! I actually had all of the ingredients.

One thing I have learned as an adult is that I do not excel at many things beyond patience. I love crafts, but I do nothing like what you see from others online. I am no Pinterest perfect crafter or anything else for that matter. However, that did not stop me from making these treats and involving my kids. Involving them made it so much better.

My ice cream treats were not perfectly round shapes. Chocolate ended up all over the place—and all over my youngest. We used several forks and spoons and more than one towel and washcloth. However, it was all worth it, and afterward I felt good.

I felt good because I have not bothered, or felt like, being creative for several weeks. I have felt lost. It felt good to do something to help get me out of the funk I have been in for what seems like months. It also got me to get my camera out and take pictures. Heck, I even figured I would  take pictures of the lovely little snacks on top of my tiny fancy dish.

Tenderness

A few days ago my father visited me. I love my father. He comes often. Mainly to check up on me. Hopefully it is not to check and observe the messes that he may see-it often feels like that. While my children were playing he reached out his hand for mine. I took it. It reminded me of my grandfather doing the same things when I was young. He would just hold my hand across the arms of the chairs. Sometimes my arm would feel heavy, since I kind of hand to reach a bit for his. It is something I will always hold dear to my heart.

While holding my hand he said something. I admit, I don’t remember. The tears were already building up, and I was speechless. I attempted to tell him I loved him too. I looked over at the girls playing in an effort to break up the awkward moment. He kept holding my hand. He mentioned that he knew things were hard, that my job was hard, and that my kids have no clue how good of a mother they have. I did remind him they are good kids. I am grateful to be their mother, even if they are a handful.

I did take a moment to thank my father and apologize for any difficulty I caused him when I was young. I thank him every year on my birthday.

While thinking about the verbal exchange I had with my father while he held my hand, I began to wonder about my own self as a parent. I try so very hard to be tender with my children. To set firm boundaries, but be loving and kind. To not let them walk all over me, and to have them help out around the house. I tell you, it is darn hard to raise little people into decent human beings. I just hope I do not mess up. And then I get to the end of the day. The part of the day where I can decide how much I will beat myself up as a parent: ” Did I do well? I am such a horrible parent? Why did I not do that? Why did I do that? I am screwing my kids up? I need to….” and then, “I can try again tomorrow. I did do this and I did do that. Maybe I am not so bad afterall.”

really?

Really? I am just sayin’. Everything you read on the internet is not true…Now that we have that established. I do often head to the internet to search for ideas and hopeful solutions to problems. I recently looked up two things. How to get out of a funk and how to deal with a defiant toddler. The defiant toddler information seemed worthy of a test. So, for the past few days I have been attempting to try out what I had read. At this point I say, “yeah right.”

Parenting advice that usually has to do with “how not to yell at your kids ever again,” and “how to get your children to obey you every time” are hogwash. I say, HOGWASH! I am assuming that those articles and bits of advice are either written by people who have never had children, those who have grown children and have forgotten what it was like, have nannies, or have pretty easy kids. I only have four kids. Each one of them is different-big time. My two youngest include a crier and a push-the-button kid. I am not sure what is harder of those issues. The crying over everything or the yelling and being defiant, never obeying kid. Who, by the way, screams every time you tell her “no.”

Someone recently asked me, with a serious face, if I had tried telling my kids “no” yet. Cue sarcasm.: Um, no. I haven’t. I have never thought about telling them “no.” Wow, how do you do that? Maybe that will solve all my problems.

I don’t indulge my children either. This is their temperament. I have to learn how to communicate with them so they feel like they are communicating with me, without breaking their spirit, killing them, or do psychological damage in some way. Telling them “no” should not hurt them in any way, although they sure make it seem that way. I follow through with rules and with whatever I tell them. At least I believe I do, I will give myself some room for mistakes or changing my mind. I often realize I do make mistakes as a parent. That means I have to cool off, have time outs, and even tell my children sorry because they were trying to do something innocent and I misunderstood.

Parenting is darn hard. Did you get that? It is hard! However, it is so worth it. I hope that I do a good job. I hope they make good choices and are kind people. I hope they forgive me for my mistakes. In the meantime, while I wait for them to grow up, I will keep on keeping on. I will keep trying again and again. I will even search the internet again for other ideas that I can try with my children to learn how I can be a better parent and maybe, just maybe, find the magic language my kid needs to hear.

missing in action

I have been missing so long from this blog that I forgot my password. In fact, I forgot what platform I was using for this blog. I even forgot the name of my blog.  At this rate, I am surprised I can even remember my name. Do not even ask me about my age. This may be the last year I remember that.

One look at this blog at it is easy to tell I have not been around in months. Is that okay? I suppose it is. Who is going to fire me? Me? My kids? Heck, they don’t even know I have this. I have missed writing though. I look back at when I stopped writing and that was around the time I got really sick last year. It went through each member of the family. It was the sickest I had been in years. As I reflect back I realize that around that time I sort of gave up on some things. Projects I had in the making stopped seeing movement. This stopped having movement. Recovery from sickness seems more like a year-long recovery with life.

So, Here I am pouring out my thoughts to the world found on the web. That may or may not be better than talking to myself in the mirror.

I have quite a lot of time recently to reflect on life as a parent, as a mother, and as a single parent. I have reflected on who I am and what I want in life. I have discovered a few things about myself. I found that I am not a perfect mother. Not that I thought I was thinking I was a perfect mother before. This year has just tested every part of my sanity and ability to parent. I am still grateful to be a parent.

When I went to get gas yesterday I just sat in the car, unable to move. Life felt like it was really getting me down. After a good night’s rest I woke up today feeling a bit better. Ready to conquer what had beat me the day before. So, here I am renewing my writing. Reflecting and working through what is on my mind. Sharing and hopefully inspiring others along the way. In the meantime I have to remember that life happens. It does not always go as planned and there is always an opportunity to improve in some way. I woke up today. That is an accomplishment. I hugged and kissed my children. I fed them, and clothed them. I tried to do better than before. Will I succeed? I do not know, but I do know that I am succeeding in some way because I am still going. I have not quit.

For many parents it is a  matter of just getting through some days to try again the next. I think the hardest thing of all as a parent is not dealing with children but dealing with our own weaknesses and disappointments. How do you move on after bad relationships, financial upsets, low self-esteem, anger issues, addictions, or whatever else really holds us back? Often it is just taking it one minute at a time. Then one hour, one day, and so forth. Then start over again when needed.