the challenge of sleeping

I was having that moment where I hated life. I hated not being a better mother, I hated being in the circumstance I was in and I hated not being in my own home (currently visiting a family member). It was not that anything spectacular happened, but my patience was thin. Why? Why in the world would my patience be thin? Hmmm, well maybe it was because it was 1:00 am and my son was not asleep yet.

Years ago I stopped allowing my son to have naps. As much as I loved the quiet time I realized that any nap he took prevented him from sleeping that night. Unfortunately he fell asleep yesterday during the other children’s napping. I didn’t wake him up because o enjoyed the moment of quiet.  I will not do that again.

At 11:30 pm I left our room because I was frustrated by the lack of sleeping children. I sat outside the door and read a magazine my mother gave me. I joked with her that I thought it would take them an hour to get to sleep. They were quiet sooner than that. I figured they were all asleep and then heard my son I waited until 1:00 to go in. My so. Was awake and looked a little sad so I put him on the bed and covered him up. It did not take long before I was leaving the room again in frustration.  When I finally went back in twenty to thirty minutes later he had the light on and was surrounded by the contents of an entire tissue box.  I tried again.

By 2:15 I was exhausted and my son was no closer to sleep. When my little monkey woke up I decided that it was way too dangerous to be a parent. A few minutes later, with two kids and two blankets we were in the car with children safely buckled in their seats. By 3:30 I finally had the baby to sleep, again, and my son was sleeping. I had even managed a few minutes of shut eye. By 3:45 we were all back inside, in bed, and going to sleep.

It was a rough night for sure, mainly on my parenting. I felt bad for being frustrated. I felt bad for even being a mom. I felt like a failure, but why? I was not doing anything wrong or beating my children. It was just one of those nights. One of those times that happen every so often. It happens. It happens to every parent. It was not a reflection on my parenting at all. So, I let it go. Today has been better.  Blowing bubbles, relaxing, working, laughing, tickling and whatever else we can think of doing to pass the time. Maybe I need to give myself more credit for the good times instead of beating myself up for the few bad times.

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